Couples Therapy for Gay Men – What to Look for in a Therapist
You and your partner have decided that the time has come to seek therapy.For any couple, this is not an easy moment. Yet, couples therapy also holds the promise of mending wounds and preserving the relationship. However, the question is whether there is a therapist out there who understands the LGBTQ community and your own specific needs as a couple.Finding the right therapist may sound like an overwhelming process. But it doesn’t have to be.Consider these qualities to look for when searching for a couples therapist.
Basic Therapy and Relationship Skills
Firstly, it’s important to make sure that your potential therapist has the foundational skills and training necessary for relationship therapy. This means digging in and researching their background, education, and previous experiences.Many therapists will have a website that will have this information, which you can review. In particular, examine whether they have any previous experience counseling gay couples.You want to be assured that they will have the experience needed to support both you and your partner in this process.
Language Is Important
As you do your research, keep in mind whether the therapist uses language that will be gay-affirmative. This will be a clue towards their outlook and how they will approach your situation.For both you to heal as a couple, you need to know that your therapist will be affirming towards your relationship. Otherwise, there will only be more pain even while you are trying to get help.
Empathy and Your Therapist
Next, consider whether a potential relationship therapist seems empathetic and caring. You might be able to get a hint of this on their website by the words they choose to use.However, it’s more effective to have a conversation with them. Talking to the potential therapist over the phone will give you a better idea as to whether they will be empathetic, or on the flip side judgmental.Fortunately, most therapists offer some variation of a free consultation. During this initial conversation, you can gauge their empathy level (among other things).
Things to Consider for an Initial Session
No matter how much research you do, the best way you can determine whether a therapist will be a good fit is sitting down face-to-face with them.During the initial meeting keep in mind the things mentioned above. Yet, also ask them about some of the common issues they have seen in treating gay male couples, such as:
Differences over having kids or raising children
Financial issues, including competitiveness over who makes more
The impact of open relationships on couples
Substance abuse
Comparison/competition over appearance
Why Is All This Important?
Perhaps the question should be whether or not you consider your relationship important? It’s very important that you and your partner find a therapist who understands gay relationships.Mostly, because you want to feel supported and validated when stepping through the door of their office. How can you possibly discuss intimate details about your relationship knowing you won’t feel supported and affirmed in your relationship?Also, as mentioned above, these relationships often involve very particular issues. Thus, it’s critical that your therapist is both trained and experienced in working with gay male couples.—Your relationship matters a lot to you, and you’re willing to do what it takes to make sure it succeeds. Therefore, in order for couples therapy to be successful, you need to ensure that your therapist is well versed in these issues.Doing basic research online is a good place to start. Yet, nothing beats an initial face-to-face meeting. If you determine that they don’t fit you well, that’s okay. Remember, having the right therapist will set you both up for successfully navigating couples therapy. Please, reach out to me today if you’re ready to take the next step in finding the right gay couples therapist for you.