Imposter Syndrome in Gay Men – Are We at Higher Risk?
For one reason or another, you decided that “passing” was more acceptable than owning who you truly are.Perhaps it was to feel safer at work or in your personal life. Or, you are not ready to disclose that part of yourself. Yet, you are in an environment where you still benefit from being perceived as being heterosexual.Although this strategy helps you get through the day, it leaves you with lingering doubts about imposter syndrome.This creates self-doubt about whether even your authentic self is actually true.In the end, you may feel confused, stressed, and even despondent.
What Is Imposter Syndrome?
Imposter syndrome is when you have doubts as to whether you belong in a certain situation or “deserve” to be where you are. You may frequently feel afraid that you will be found out as being a fraud and that you are actually not worthy of what you’ve earned.Naturally, this often occurs in the workplace or school. A person will work incredibly hard to earn a high GPA or a bonus at work. Yet, at the same time, they will have this nagging belief that they actually didn’t earn those things at all.
Imposter Syndrome in Gay Men
In gay men, there is a twist that comes with imposter syndrome. It is the stress that comes with feeling the need to hide a part or all of your identity.Even though society has come very far with how it treats and accepts those identifying with the LGBTQ group, there is still a long way to go. Also, for someone who is not read to come out, they feel obligated to hide that part of who they are.This can lead to imposter syndrome because these men are portraying themselves as heterosexual, but in reality, they know they are gay.
The Phenomenon of Passing for Gay Men
Kenji Yoshino of the NYU Law School writes about a phenomenon called passing. This is where gay men, and LGBTQ people in general, only disclose certain parts of their identity. They do this out of a concern for safety. There are four aspects to this type of covering an identify, including:
Appearance
Identity-specific behaviors
Advocacy/action
Association
A gay man might feel obligated to cover his appearance by dressing or styling themselves in a certain way. Or, they might refrain from speaking up in certain conversations where they could be an advocate for the LGBTQ community.
The Problem with Privilege
The problem with passing is that those who do it are taking advantage of how society views and categorizes people. In a way, this is a privilege. And for someone who knows that they actually belong to a minority community, it can feel be very distressful.Therefore, this contributes to bigger problems such as anxiety and depression. So what to do about the problem?
Finding Community and Acceptance
To combat imposter syndrome, it’s important to find a space (or several) where you feel accepted for who you are.These are places and communities where you feel that you belong. You don’t have to hide certain aspects of who you are in order to fit in. Thankfully, there are many resources available for finding community, including:
Professional development groups
Campus organizations and student associations
Online communities
Clubs and social groups
The problem with imposter syndrome is that it is the result of gay men feeling the need to protect themselves. In turn, that causes many people a lot of distress about not being able to live life in a chosen way. If you are struggling with this problem, take heart. Seek out communities where you will be safe and accepted. Also, consider career counseling to help you in grappling with these issues. Please, contact me today if you’d like to talk more about the ways I can help you.