Everyone gets lonely from time to time.It could even be considered a typical human experience. Yet, with gay men, loneliness is a pervasive problem. And it’s not a new phenomenon.In fact, loneliness and the gay experience seem to go hand-in-hand with one another. Many gay men can recount how they felt lonely and isolated.Yet, understanding that link and its effects on gay men have taken longer to comprehend.If you feel like you are struggling with pervasive loneliness in your life, know that you are not alone. There are ways to address the problem and break the loneliness cycle.

Growing Up in the Closet

One reason why gay men often experience ongoing loneliness is that they grew up with it.Even if you were surrounded by friends and family who loved and cared for you, it’s still possible that you were lonely. That’s because coming of age while in the closet is a common experience.When you must hide who you are and conceal your identity, life becomes very lonely. This is especially true if you grew up in an area where you couldn’t identify with other young men who shared similar experiences. Mostly, because they were in the closet, too.Unsurprisingly, these experiences contributed to you feeling isolated, disconnected, and not believing that there was anyone with whom you could truly connect.

Carrying the Emotional Burden Into Adulthood

Make no mistake about it, all those years of hiding your identity can definitely take an emotional toll on you.Also, you were most likely exposed to people saying hurtful and homophobic things. This would have either been directed right to you or in passing if you were in the closet. And rarely are these comments a one-time thing. Instead, these moments would have accumulated over the years.Keep in mind, also, that these things are occurring to you just when you are reaching puberty and coming of age. For many people, puberty is a confusing time—trying to comprehend who you are.Now consider that you are a gay youth who is constantly receiving messages that who you are is somehow “wrong.” It’s a very isolating experience, to say the least.

What Age Often Offers

As you get older and as many people do, you tend to become more comfortable with your identity. You even decide to come out of the closet.Moving to a new city frequently helps to create a desired identity. However, a new roadblock can be meeting new people and forging new connections—including romantic relationships. Yet, sometimes it feels that the cards are stacked against you.Although numerous apps exist to find someone special online. However, the men on those apps can seem less interested in a meaningful relationship and more interested in a mere hookup.Also, these apps can reinforce superficiality and unhelpful perceptions of attractiveness. Which, again, creates distance between you and romantic meaningfulness.

The Real Impact of Loneliness on Gay Men

The emotional impact of being a gay male is significant. Gay men are more likely to struggle with depression as well as suicidal thoughts than straight men. They are also at risk of substance abuse, too.Research has found that loneliness can alter how the immune system functions. It makes your immune system weaker and exposes you to a greater risk of disease. This has been found to increase the risk of gay men of contracting HIV and dying of AIDS.

What to Do about Loneliness

If you are struggling with loneliness, one helpful key is to develop meaningful social connections with other people. You might have some of these relationships in your life already—your work colleagues, friends at the gym, etc.However, you also need to find connections with other gay men. Thanks to modern search engines and social media, it’s possible to find interest groups that consist of gay men. Don’t like one group? That’s okay! Keep at it until you can build your community. Loneliness in gay men is not only a real thing, but it can also have devastating consequences if not addressed. Thankfully, now more than ever, there are many more options open to gay men to find meaningful connection and community.However, if you find that you are still struggling, consider getting help from a psychotherapist. Please, reach out to me today for more help dealing with loneliness.